religion

God reasoning

A collection of curious/silly thoughts on Christianity.

"The big bang can't explain everything, because what was before the big bang? Nothing you say? Everyone knows you can't create something from nothing! See, you need God to explain that, because only God can create something from nothing." So who created god then? "Oh, he was always there." So the universe cannot have been simply always there, but God can...? "Sure! what is your point?"

God created the dinosaurs, and he saw that they were... stupid...

God created Adam and Eve. Also; Humans evolved from apes. We do believe that, don't we? "That is two different theories, completely unrelated!" or; "Silly you, Genesis is allegorical, a metaphor!". Hm okay then, so what about this: Adam and Eve were the first apes that Gods evolution experiment turn into humans. God said to them "Hey, I know you are getting kind of hairless, but just ignore that, I have everything under control! I created you in my own image (or well, he created evolution so that it would at some point create a creature in his own image, but anyways), I promise, you will love it!". One day Eve was sitting on a branch eating and apple, realising she was kind of freezing and that she actually was starting to feel kind of naked without the fur like the other apes. She then told Adam about it, as lovers tend to do. But when they then went to confronted god, he just became angry and threw them out of... paradise? Oh wait, the apes were in paradise?

God can speak to people, sometimes directly, sometimes through dreams, sometimes through angels. All well and good. God also says it is a sin to believe in any other false gods. So why did he not tell the Sumerians or the Greeks that they had it wrong? He surely could have send an angel? Maybe he tried, and they were just too stupid to really get it? But for someone who, on paper at least, is omnipotent, maybe he should try harder then? Or maybe god did not like those guys much, and thought everlasting conscious suffering was what they deserved because they didn't pick up on the hints? Doesn't seem like an all loving god does it?

How come Christianity never appeared by itself in many different unlinked places? It kind of seems like God favours the middle east somehow? And if so, it kind of just sucks if you were born an Aztec or a Mongolian, because then it's just everlasting conscious suffering for you? Or are you forgiven if you didn't know you were wrong? Jesus dies so we could have our sins forgiven. God just didn't really have the time to tell people about it, and instead relied on a couple of disciples to get the word around (the angels were probably busy doing other things).

---

Funny verses:

Mark 5:1-13 Jesus allows a legion of demons to possess a group of two thousand pigs, only for them to run into a nearby lake and drown.

Acts 5:1-11 The holy spirit kills a man for not donating the total amount of money he got for selling his house, then kills the wife, even though she knew nothing about what the man did.

Mark 11:12-14 Jesus gets mad at a fig tree for not having any figs, even though its not fig season. That fig tree seriously needs to be more pious, and get those juices flowing! (guess he was out of miracles that day, so you probably cant blame him for being grumpy)

Timothy 2:11-12 Women should be silent, learn in silence, and definitely should never teach a man anything (not sure Paul and Jesus was on the same page here?)

Matthew 27:50-54 Zombie apocalypse :D It wasn't only Jesus who was resurrected, a whole bunch of other people were resurrected to, and went downtown to talk to people in the local village. No one really know what happened to them after that.

Luke 19:29-34 Jesus gets his disciples to steal a horse for him.

Mark 16:17-18 Jesus states that true believers should be known by their ability to drink poison, heal people and pick up snakes.

Corinthians 11:14 "Even nature itself teaches you that wearing long hair is shameful for a man." Maybe Jesus wasn't as longhaired as most altars depict him to be? (the rest of CO11 is pretty sexist by the way...)

Mark 4:11-12 Jesus confesses that he speaks in figurative language on purpose to confuse people, so they wont get forgiveness :D

---

Bonus: The confusion on what actually happened at Jesus grave is kind of fitting: (MT 28:1-2) The stone was still in place when they arrived. It was rolled away later. (MK 16:4, LK 24:2, JN 20:1) The stone had already been rolled (or taken) away. (MT 28:2) An angel arrived during an earthquake, rolled back the stone, then sat on it (outside the tomb). (MK 16:5) No earthquake, only one young man sitting inside the tomb. (LK 24:2-4) No earthquake. Two men suddenly appear standing inside the tomb. (JN 20:12) No earthquake. Two angels are sitting inside the tomb.