Only a Dream

She seemed so happy here, so alive. Such a great contrast to himself he thought. He had been watching her for some time, hidden, watching from a distance. For exactly how long he did not know. An hour, maybe two? It did not matter, cause in dreams time was different, less important. To him it felt like it had almost stopped. Only the sound of his heartbeat seemed prof that all was still going, that he was alive. His heartbeat and the sound of her laughter. A silent smile came to his lips. How could he not smile when he saw her like this? It was not his dream, it was hers, and he knew it. He should not be here, but he could not help it. Every night he came back. Looking for something, something he still did not truly know what was.

---

She was running along the river, laughing every time the cold water sprayed her body. This was her favourite place to go. To hide when she needed to get away. Here all was peaceful, almost as if it was not really real. She went here with her friends too sometimes. They would run around like now, playing by the riverside. Here they were allowed to be silly, to fool around without being watched by those judging eyes. The eyes of those too serious to be in love with life, like they were. Here she had everything she ever wanted. At least that was what she told herself. But still, at the same time, it was as if something was missing. Something illusive, but always there in the back of her mind. She often lay awake at night wondering if there was more out there, out there beyond there river?

As she ran by the river that very day her eyes caught sight of a something. A flicker, something there in the distance. A silhouette of something. Of someone? In that moment she felt a warmth spread through her body. Like a fire was lit within her. She blinked, and then, it was gone. She kept looking, searching, but there was nothing there. She told herself it had just been a doe, a squirl maybe? But her heart was still off beat, and she still remembered the warmth. She turned away, but for the rest of the day, whenever she got close to that spot, her eyes always wandered, off to that place in the distance.

---

It was a frightening emotion. Fear and excitement, mixed equally. Overflowing. She had turned and looked right at him. Their eyes had locked, even at that distance, dragging him into their deep bluish green. It had been for only a fraction of a second. Then the fear had kicked in, like a punch to the stomach. The dream world had shattered, in a near instantaneous silent scream. All turned black. Then silence. Only one thought remained. Did she see him? Even without opening his eyes he could feel that he was awake. He did not move, just lay there and tried to get a hold of the strange sensation that flowed through him, tried to get his racing heart to calm. Fear, but also a deep hopeless longing, almost like if a void had opened up inside him, threatening to suck every other emotion in. It was a spark of this feeling that had driven him to her dreams. Had kept dragging him back, night after night. He just wanted to go back, tried to relax, tried to drift back into sleep, but he could not.

He sat up. Sat there at the edge of his bed and looked out the window. Everything was dark out there. Dark, calm and silent. An almost violent contrast to his turbulent mind. To the storm of longing he knew now could never be calmed. Cause now he knew, knew what it was he was missing.